Weight training is the greatest thing that has happened to me. I should just stop writing now and leave because that’s all I want to say. But I’m not! I’m going to tell you why whether you like it or not.
What the hell is weight training? In a nut shell, you pick up a piece of object and put it down. Then you pick that mofo up again, and put him back down again. Repeat this process until your back gives out, our arms fall off, or you die. Simple! Hard! Beautiful!
To some that might seem hard, unappealing, boring and repetitive which is totally understandable. Those who think this way don’t fully understand what weight training is. In fact, a fair judgement of something cannot be fully justified until that person making the judgement has actually experienced that which he/she is judging first hand, by doing it. At first glance, to the untrained eye all that is seen is a person moving an object in a certain direction many many times. But to someone who is doing it. Who is getting among it. It is a whole other world.
Weight training has taught me so much about life, and about myself. It has taught me that when things get hard, when things get uncomfortable, you have the choice to keep going, or to stop. And depending on what you choose will tell you something about yourself. I remember when I was doing squats one time. I had loaded a weight that I found extremely challenging onto my back. I wanted to squat down and up 8 times. That was my goal.
For those who live a sheltered life and do not know what a squat, never fear, for I have summoned a picture!
The back squat! Revel in its glory and simplicity!
1…..2…..3………..4……….
I start fatiguing………5……..
My legs start shaking, vein throbbing out of my neck, eyes beginning to blood shot, my body starting to lean more forward as I tire……
5.5……………….6 as I grind up the dirtiest looking squat I’ve ever done. I rack the weight up. A bellowing “FUCK!” echoes throughout the gymnasium. Two repetitions off my goal. A swirl of emotions run through my head. Disappointment. Anger. Frustration. Internal voices in my head tell me I’m weak. Memories of past failures start flooding my brain and I start associating myself with those failures because I failed here in this moment……yet again. Needless to say the rest of my training session was shouse (shit-house). I couldn’t let it go that I failed on my main lift of the day. And in great Sash fashion I go home, and eat my anxiety, frustration and sadness away. I even go so far as to have a pathetic nap. Blinds closed. Door locked. Retreating to the shadows of solitude and submitting myself to the abyss of my own self-loathing. (HOW DRAMATIC, POETIC AND PATHETIC).
Later that day I leave my cave and lose myself in the world of Youtube. Weightlifting motivational clips are on the menu and it doesn’t take long before I pack my gym bag and walk back to the gym. This time, my mind is in a different place. I’m still angry from the previous failure. So angry that I tell myself that I am not going to stop squatting until I squat that same weight 10 times. The bar is not going to leave my back until I do 10. I was so angry that I was honestly willing to die to get 10. If I couldn’t commit myself to this one thing 100% then I don’t deserve to be here. Sounds a bit extreme and over the top right? Probably, but that is how much this meant to me.
Headphones in. Angry music blasting my ear drums.
1….2…..3….4…………….5
Fatigue kicking in. Legs shaking. I start talking to myself. Calling myself a coward. A pussy.
6………………..7………………
I’m yelling. “COME ON YOU FUCK!” Face as red as a tomato. “NO MATTER WHAT!”
…………8…………….”TWO MORE!”
………………………………..9..”ONE MORE YOU FUCK! COMMIT TO IT!”
The next 10 secs of my life were the longest 10 seconds I’ve every experienced. Strength coaches would be having nightmares about how bad the form was. I grind the weight up for my 10th repetition. Rack it up, and then fall to the ground. I then start crying like a baby. Nervous laughter and tears fill the gym. I can only imagine people thought I was nuts but it didn’t matter. I was so in the moment that I just let it out as I stared at the ceiling of the gym, legs on fire, shaking as if my thighs had been removed from my pelvis and I was going into shock.
What I was feeling more than anything in that moment was relief. Not relief from knowing that the set was over. Not relief from knowing that I didn’t have to go through that pain again. But relief from knowing that I was still able to accomplish something I set my mind to. Relief from knowing that if I give it everything I have, I can accomplish anything I set my mind to. All I have to do is be willing to put in the effort, have the drive to do it, and have the courage to follow through with it till the end, no matter what happens or how hard it gets.
That is one thing that weight training has taught me about life. The big thing is the attitude that you walk into the gym with. The attitude you walk into life with. The gym has trained my body but also my mind, to take my body out of it’s comfort zone, and this attitude has carried over into my life. I must take my body out of its comfort zone. I must take my mind out of its comfort zone. I must take MYSELF out of my comfort zone if I am to truly grow and see what I am capable of achieving.
Life is like that squat session. Weight is on your shoulders, and starts bringing you down. Now you have the choice whether to stay down, or get back up and learn to live with that weight. The further you go into the set, the harder it gets, as with life. But you will always have the choice whether you stay down, or rise. And even if you fall short, if you go into it giving it everything you have then you have not failed. To attempt that extra repetition even when you don’t know what will happen takes courage. Courage to take the leap, to go down with the weight and not come back up, but knowing you tried anyway. That attitude right there is what life is all about. I didn’t learn that from a personal development book, or a motivational speaker. I may have heard it from those sources but I didn’t really know or understand it until I was really in that world, doing it myself.
I encourage everyone who is able to weight train and see what you learn about yourselves. I encourage you to not judge by face value, but only judge when you truly know it, until you have experienced it.
Now go out there and see what you are capable of. And of course:
– Sash
Sash Mindflow 