Have you ever noticed the way you act and feel when you are around certain people? You find that you take on the characteristics of a chameleon. You act differently, and associate differently depending on the particular person, or group of persons that you are currently with. You may change the way you act, walk, talk or communicate. You may change your mannerisms, your body language or tone of voice. Your language may change. The subject matter of your discussions may change. All these things may change in order for you to adapt or “fit into” this social environment. And there is nothing wrong or abnormal about it. What one person may find interesting might not be so interesting to another person, and so here we have these “groups” of people that we associate with.
I myself have my school friends, my training friends, my work friends, my close friends, my family. I would even so far as to create another category labelled “awesome friends”. All these different groups of people who I associate with, and in not one of them do I act the exact same. Each group has a certain element of “me” in it that I am able to associate with, and therefore be a part of. But at the same time, each group affects me in different ways. One group may nurture my passion for weight training, and give me the motivation and drive to push harder. Another may be great at discussing life and expanding my knowledge and capacity for thought. Another may be great at just being that friendly listening ear that I need to vent to, and to tell me that everything is going to be fine. Over time, just from the exposure to these different groups, you yourself begin to change. You start becoming more like that group. You start acting “like” the group and soon enough you start acting “as” the group. Ultimately, you become the group.
“You’re one of us now!”
Through experience and over time I have come to realise that the company that you keep is so important. It affects you in so many ways. Your company can raise you to new heights you never thought possible. It can motivate you. It can drive you to be better. Your company can spark new passions. It can act as a support base. It can help you become the strongest and best “you” you can be.
Unfortunately it works both ways and unfortunately the company that you keep is not always for the better. Friendships that you once had, or still have, begin changing your moods, motivations and actions. It is difficult to notice or accept it sometimes because this negative influence is shunned or put to the side in the name of “friendship.” Perhaps you refuse to admit that a group or a friendship is in fact harming you. You refuse to act because you feel there is this sense of “loyalty” to the group and you don’t want to rock the boat or jeopardise the relationship that has been built.
Whatever the reason may be, I feel it is important to be able to recognise when certain people or groups start affecting your life in a less than desirable way. That way you will be able to take some kind of action to either improve the situation, or if need be, remove yourself from the situation.
I myself have come to realise that some people are not the company I once thought. After being with some of these friends I become aware of the way I feel, and most of the time I walk away moody, upset, or less happy than what I was when I went in. I feel I know less than I should about them. At times I feel they are just acquaintances, instead of friends. I don’t feel comfortable opening up to them anymore. I feel like they don’t actually care about the things that interest me, nor are they supportive of the things that I am passionate about. Conversations are just small talk, turned gossipy and judgemental. I feel myself becoming more gossipy and judgemental around them, when I am the complete opposite. I feel I care more about the friendship than they do. Organising an event together has become a chore. People won’t reciprocate the effort to even travel to meet others anymore. Time isn’t made for the friendship anymore. The friendship has become matter of convenience. A recent example, myself and two friends organised to meet up. One friend had to think whether they could be bothered to drive for twenty minutes or not (they were not bothered, and didn’t show up), and the other just failed to show up. Unfortunately I had to wait around for close to a hour to realise this. On the bright side, it only cost me an hour of my life to learn some of the characteristics my friends.
“Sorry, I’m SOOOOOO busy doing nothing at home!”
There is a saying that you are the “average” of the people that you most associate yourself with. So for example if I was to associate myself with all positive people, I myself will eventually become a more positive person, just from the sheer exposure to these people. I would develop more positive habits and attributes. Stronger relationships would be formed from a supportive friendship foundation. Something about them rubs off on you. You eventually change, but for the better. On the other hand, if I associate myself with many negative people, guess what is going to happen to me? I will likely become a more negative person. So it would make sense, if I wanted to be awesome, to surround and associate myself with mostly awesome people. That way I’ll be in a positive, supportive and encouraging environment that will allow me to flourish. Also, it would make sense to not associate myself with negative people, that would mostly like bring me down, make me feel bad, hinder my progress to where I want to go, and prevent me from being the best person I can be.
Hey, that does make sense. I think I’ll do that.
“What’s up, awesome friend?”
– Sash
Sash Mindflow 