One big problem I have is I think too much.
How can that be bad? If you think about things you would make great decisions. You wouldn’t just dive into something blind. You would be prepared for anything. That sounds magnificent! DOES IT? DOES IT REALLY? Maybe that does sound good, to a certain degree. But when you combine this with a perfectionist attitude, thinking is all you are doing, literally.
Here in lies my problem. There are so many thoughts, so many ideas, that I get stuck. My mind is like an old computer, running on a processor made of wood and is powered by a hamster wheel. It can’t process every single thing on my mind, let alone at the same time. The moment 2 or 3 things pop into may head summons the blue screen of death and I shut down, literally. I will go stun silent, blank faced and cold. Upon mental reboot I succumb to basic habits such as eating, sleeping, video gaming or movie watching. Running away from the problem. Procrastinating. And then what makes it worse is my awareness and then failure to act upon it. Anxiety and depression kick in and then I shut down. Reboot, and the whole process starts again. This will happen four times a day. Geez, wouldn’t be great if I could just my brain off for good?
Enter inner monologue: “NO, BECAUSE THEN YOU ARE RUNNING AWAY FROM THE PROBLEM AGAIN YOU COWARD!”
Shut down, reboot, devouring of food, procrastinate.
Let’s say I recover from a reboot semi-well, and by semi-well I mean that I decide not to eat, and procrastinate. Let’s say I have an idea, for example making a Youtube channel where I post videos. Or I read a book. Or write something. Let’s say I have these ideas and I go through preliminary steps to get things rolling. Great! That’s awesome!
Enter inner monologue: “Don’t forget this, this is really important to make this thing you are working on be good. It’s not really as good as this persons one. Oh that’s the same idea as this person, and they do it well. You don’t even know how to do this, and that!”
Well………SHIT!
Shut down, reboot, devouring of food, procrastinate.
Defeated by my own mind before it even gets started. I convince myself that it is not good enough to start, so I don’t end up starting. I just think, and think, and think, and (disclaimer; I swear a lot when I’m angry/frustrated/anxious. I’m working on it) FUCKING THINK ABOUT IT. And then I’ll retire to some easy task that won’t contribute to me being a better or more successful person, just to make myself feel better. WHAT A BRAVE MAN! COURAGE JUST OOZES FROM MY BODY! WATCH YOUR STEP BECAUSE YOU MIGHT SLIP FROM ALL THE COURAGE OOZE!
Intra-self reflection moment: “Boy I bitch and moan a lot.”
I feel this is part of the process. There is just so much built up energy and frustration that I need to get it out some how. And I suppose this is a good exercise for me to combat my perfectionist ways. The problem with being an overthinking perfectionist is that nothing gets done……..ever. PARALYSIS BY ANALYSIS (solid title tie in).
So this piece of crap, raw, unedited wall of brain vomit and irrational emotion is probably the best thing to combat my perfectionist ways. I suppose it shows courage in a way. The courage to just put it out there regardless of how good (OR insufferably bad) it is and just work from there. Just start SOMETHING and work from there instead of waiting to start with the perfect foundation because the perfect foundation might never come, and you would just be stuck there, thinking about it and not being about it.
Intra-typing idea: A blog post every day……for a year……(fuck). Nope, I typed it now I have to make it come to pass. So starting today that is 360 blog posts MINIMUM! It doesn’t matter if I don’t feel like, as long as I post SOMETHING. Get in the habit, get it done.
Exit inner monologue.
In conclusion (HO, how academic and articulate did that sound?), “Just do it!” (Nike, circa 19whenever). I pose this challenge to myself, and invite the overthinking perfectionists, or anyone for that matter to just do it. Just start SOMETHING, and have the courage to follow through with it. Don’t be paralysed by your thoughts. Don’t worry if it’s not perfect. Don’t worry if it isn’t polished. Worry that all your ideas won’t come to pass because you thought they were not good enough. Have some faith in your idea and stick by it and see where it takes you.
This is what I am doing right now!
See you tomorrow, Mr Less Perfectionist than yesterday.
– Sash
Sash Mindflow 