Surround Yourself with Awesome!

Have you ever noticed the way you act and feel when you are around certain people? You find that you take on the characteristics of a chameleon. You act differently, and associate differently depending on the particular person, or group of persons that you are currently with. You may change the way you act, walk, talk or communicate. You may change your mannerisms, your body language or tone of voice. Your language may change. The subject matter of your discussions may change. All these things may change in order for you to adapt or “fit into” this social environment. And there is nothing wrong or abnormal about it. What one person may find interesting might not be so interesting to another person, and so here we have these “groups” of people that we associate with.

I myself have my school friends, my training friends, my work friends, my close friends, my family. I would even so far as to create another category labelled “awesome friends”. All these different groups of people who I associate with, and in not one of them do I act the exact same. Each group has a certain element of “me” in it that I am able to associate with, and therefore be a part of. But at the same time, each group affects me in different ways. One group may nurture my passion for weight training, and give me the motivation and drive to push harder. Another may be great at discussing life and expanding my knowledge and capacity for thought. Another may be great at just being that friendly listening ear that I need to vent to, and to tell me that everything is going to be fine. Over time, just from the exposure to these different groups, you yourself begin to change. You start becoming more like that group. You start acting “like” the group and soon enough you start acting “as” the group. Ultimately, you become the group.

“You’re one of us now!”

Through experience and over time I have come to realise that the company that you keep is so important. It affects you in so many ways. Your company can raise you to new heights you never thought possible. It can motivate you. It can drive you to be better. Your company can spark new passions. It can act as a support base. It can help you become the strongest and best “you” you can be.

Unfortunately it works both ways and unfortunately the company that you keep is not always for the better. Friendships that you once had, or still have, begin changing your moods, motivations and actions.  It is difficult to notice or accept it sometimes because this negative influence is shunned or put to the side in the name of “friendship.” Perhaps you refuse to admit that a group or a friendship is in fact harming you. You refuse to act because you feel there is this sense of “loyalty” to the group and you don’t want to rock the boat or jeopardise the relationship that has been built.

Whatever the reason may be, I feel it is important to be able to recognise when certain people or groups start affecting your life in a less than desirable way. That way you will be able to take some kind of action to either improve the situation, or if need be, remove yourself from the situation.

I myself have come to realise that some people are not the company I once thought. After being with some of these friends I become aware of the way I feel, and most of the time I walk away moody, upset, or less happy than what I was when I went in. I feel I know less than I should about them. At times I feel they are just acquaintances, instead of friends. I don’t feel comfortable opening up to them anymore. I feel like they don’t actually care about the things that interest me, nor are they supportive of the things that I am passionate about. Conversations are just small talk, turned gossipy and judgemental. I feel myself becoming more gossipy and judgemental around them, when I am the complete opposite. I feel I care more about the friendship than they do. Organising an event together has become a chore. People won’t reciprocate the effort to even travel to meet others anymore. Time isn’t made for the friendship anymore. The friendship has become matter of convenience. A recent example, myself and two friends organised to meet up. One friend had to think whether they could be bothered to drive for twenty minutes or not (they were not bothered, and didn’t show up), and the other just failed to show up. Unfortunately I had to wait around for close to a hour to realise this. On the bright side, it only cost me an hour of my life to learn some of the characteristics my friends.

“Sorry, I’m SOOOOOO busy doing nothing at home!”

There is a saying that you are the “average” of the people that you most associate yourself with. So for example if I was to associate myself with all positive people, I myself will eventually become a more positive person, just from the sheer exposure to these people. I would develop more positive habits and attributes. Stronger relationships would be formed from a supportive friendship foundation. Something about them rubs off on you. You eventually change, but for the better. On the other hand, if I associate myself with many negative people, guess what is going to happen to me? I will likely become a more negative person. So it would make sense, if I wanted to be awesome, to surround and associate myself with mostly awesome people. That way I’ll be in a positive, supportive and encouraging environment that will allow me to flourish. Also, it would make sense to not associate myself with negative people, that would mostly like bring me down, make me feel bad, hinder my progress to where I want to go, and prevent me from being the best person I can be.

Hey, that does make sense. I think I’ll do that.

“What’s up, awesome friend?”

– Sash

Don’t stop me NOW!

People can hold you back, but they can also raise you to new heights you never thought possible. People can hold you back, but that is only if you let them do so. Often I hear people say how much they want to do something. They speak of this something with such passion. They are so happy and excited to just talk about it. Their face lights up, their words become energised and laced with joy.

Passion-talk faces!

“So why don’t you go and try that?”

Stunned silence. The only thing you hear is distilled chirping of a cricket riding a tumbleweed in the wind.

“Oh, you know.” Insert a string of excuses here. And in an instant, they are no longer a happy as they were. Their faces dim down, their words become lethargic, laced with uncertainty, doubt, and if I’m not mistaken, regret as well. It seems as like something  or someone has influenced them and this has prevented them from pursuing something that brings the life out of them and that makes them unhappy.

I remember quite vividly a time when I expressed an idea to someone very close to me, and whose opinion I held quite high. I was very passionate about this idea and had been thinking on it for quite some time. Unfortunately my idea was negatively met with doubt and disbelief as they did not see how I was going to do it or sustain doing it. And sure enough I didn’t end up pursuing it. One year passes and I just bit the bullet and pursued my idea. I have to admit I was very angry when I did, but not with the person who didn’t initially support my idea, but with myself. I was angry with myself for letting someone else negatively influence something that I really wanted to do. I let someone else’s doubt allow me to doubt myself. If it had been a random person I may have not been persuaded so easily, but it is a little harder to hear it from a person who you regard as important influential spectator of your life. More often than not it’s the small things that these important people do or don’t do that can hit your heart the most.

But the way I see it now, being doubtful or responding negatively to an idea is just another way of telling me that you don’t think I can do it. This blog was actually started somewhat in spite of one of my friends glibly reminding me about how a previous project of mine never came to fruition. I can’t be angry with that friend, because that was the push that I needed to get this thing started. Now I know that might seem somewhat hypocritical of me in the sense that I do care about what someone has said, and therefore it has affected me in some way. However, instead of stopping me from pursuing an idea, it has driven me all the more to achieve it.

At the end of the day it is my decision and I have decided to care less about what other people think. This isn’t to say that I don’t care at all, because constructive criticism and feedback is a good thing. If you don’t care at all, you cut yourself off from everyone else’s opinions and I do not feel this is a step forward in the right direction. Other people can offer you perspectives outside of your own that you could miss just because you are so far into it it’s harder for you to take a step back. However history repeats itself, and I wind up in the same moment again and I receive the same negative response, then I am not going to hesitate to ignore them and prove them wrong. No matter who they are. It doesn’t matter if they are important people, my parents, my siblings, my friends. They are free to have their opinions, but I won’t let negative comments sway me from doing what I want to do with my life. It’s my life and I’m allowed to be selfish in this way. I’m sure they might mean well, and they might be thinking they are protecting you from future failure, but that is because they might not see your vision. They might be from another generation and their line of thinking might be so ancient in comparison, so they wouldn’t understand and as a result they project their own doubts onto you.  And if the person doesn’t mean well, they can go suck on a lemon. If they are flat out stating you can’t do something it probably means that they themselves have been held back in their own live and in order for them to feel good about themselves, they want to bring you down to their level. These are the people I will choose to ignore and disregard. In my opinion, I think it is worse to not try something than to try something and fail at it. At least if you fail you come back stronger and smarter from the experience.

You cannot please everyone in the world, and nor should you have to. If you have that idea that you are passionate about. If it makes you happy. If you cannot stop thinking about it, talking about it, fantasising about it and dreaming about it. Go through with it, and regret nothing. It will never happen if you don’t physically start making it happen. Even if it doesn’t work out the way you might have originally envisioned, as least you had the courage to make the decision yourself and not let someone else sway your passion.

Now, I love it when someone tells me that I cannot do something. Such a pleasure it is to prove them wrong. It’s like the moment someone says “Ha! I bet you can’t do that”, you call upon a Rocky-esque montage and your motivation to prove them wrong goes into overdrive. I thrive on that kind of challenge. That’s what makes me do my best.

So come on! Tell me I can’t do something. I dare you! *Waits to cue the montage music*

“I double dare you!”

– Sash