The Death of a Friend

Today I attended the funeral of a young lady that I knew in primary school. When I heard the news about her passing I couldn’t believe it. Here was a twenty five year old girl, coming into her stride in her career and relationship, and just like that, she is gone.  It reminds me of how fragile life is, and how lucky we all are to be alive right now. At any moment the roulette wheel could stop on your name, and in the blink of an eye you cease to physically exist. And it can be from anything. Perhaps you slip in the shower. Perhaps someone loses concentration in their car for one second. Perhaps you have a stroke. All these things in one way or another are out of your control, and we are left to the mercy of chance. The fact that I am alive right now and typing this is incredible, because I have “dodged” that chance wheel from stopping on my name for twenty five years. I hope I can continue to do so.

This has been the second funeral that I have attended in my lifetime, and even though I did not truly know her in her adult life, it was no less difficult to get through. Seeing the tears of family members, friends, partners all in one place can be overwhelming, but I found myself being able to hold it together. I don’t think it has truly sunk in yet because I still cannot believe it. It was not until the speeches when I could feel my heart beating out of my chest and tears forming in my eyes. You come to realise all the nonsense we worry about in life means absolutely nothing when something like this happens. You come to realise that the things you take for granted, even your friends and family, are the most important things in this world at the end of the day. That fight you had about nothing, that opportunity at work you missed, that car you don’t have, that inheritance you did not receive. All these things are so insignificantly small in comparison to the relationships you build with people. I’m beginning to see it more clearly. I just wish it didn’t take the death of someone to realise it.

During the service many things were going through my mind. When her father spoke I tried to think what he must be feeling. To have lost his flesh and blood that he and his wife so proudly brought into the world and nurtured with love and care. I can only imagine as I listen to his speech that he wrote. He even apologised that he might not be able to elaborate on the points, and that he might only be able to stick to the speech. You could see he was hurting bad. You could feel it. To me he was doing so well. I don’t think that I would have been able to keep it together like he did. I think I would just shut down as I internally curse the sky even when I know my child would have me do otherwise. I have the utmost respect for her father. You could see he was proud and I bet she would’ve been proud too.

When her partner spoke, she spoke how she had lost the person who gave her a reason for waking up in the morning, and falling asleep at night. How she lost her best friend, and sunshine. How she lost the love of her life. How she lost the person that brought her the most happiness she had ever experienced in her entire life. I tried to feel how she must have felt while she wept as she gave her speech. To have someone you love with all your heart, who you spend every day and night with. Someone who truly knows you, and loves you back. Who makes you a better person, and helps pick you up when you are going through a dark patch. Who is everything to you. To wake up the next day, to find that they are no longer in that bed with you when you roll over. That they are no longer on the end of that telephone number. That they are no longer there for you to joke with, cry with, laugh with or have fun with. How must that feel? I started to lose it at the end. Her partner placed a flower petal on the coffin and then walked half way across the room. She then stopped and looked back on the coffin, knowing that would be the last time she would be physically near one of the most important people in her life. That is when her partner really lost it, and I lost it too.

When her brother spoke, he spoke of many of the things her partner did however it hit me harder when he said it. When he spoke of his big sister, I could not help but think of my little sister. I think I was able to better feel what he must have been as he spoke. I thought what I would be feeling, if it was me up there, talking about my sister in front of all these people. What would I be saying, or failing to say because I would be in such agony? I didn’t entertain the thought for very long, as the thought of losing my sister was enough stress on my heart. All I can say is I would not be doing too well.

Finally I tried to visualise what it would be like if I was the one in that coffin? What effect would my death have on the people who I have come into contact with? It’s a grim thing to think of but I couldn’t help it. If I died tomorrow, how much of a ripple effect would it have on the worlds of the people I have known? Of course it would be terrible thing, but I cannot help but think what I will be remembered for. I would like to think that when I leave this place that I have had a positive impact on the worlds that I was a part of. I would like to think if I helped the people that I knew, or even didn’t know, in at least one way that my life would not have been a wasted life. I know I am often hard on myself, always feeling disappointed with myself because I am not achieving the best that I think that I should be. But I think that if my life helped or inspired someone in some way then it was not all for nothing. I also hope that when I die, my death helps people to realise things that they did not once realise. I hope that their lives become better with these realisations and that they are able to live their lives to the fullest for me. I hope they realise the beauty in their lives just like I have through my friends’ passing. I hope that they come to realise that although I am not physically alive, I am still alive within them, guiding their future actions in some way. I hope they realise that I do not wish for them to be sad. I hope when my time comes and people are sitting at my funeral that they remember something stupid that I have done or said that made them laugh and in turn make them laugh at that moment. That would mean a lot to me.

Thank you Vicky, for making me appreciate my life and to realise its beauty.

I hope you rest in peace.

Love Sash

Awesome people are awesome, so be awesome!

In my last post I talked about the importance of surrounding yourself with people who make you a better person, or “awesome people”. Awesome people can be found anywhere. They could taking out your trash. They could be packing your bags. They could be waiting your tables. Teaching your children. Cutting your hair. They can be absolute strangers who you have never met before. You may only know them for a day, or a few hours, or even a few seconds. It might be that random runner that you pass who sneaks in a quick “keep going” or head nod. It might be that person that tells you that everything is going to be alright when you are feeling down. Or, it might be a crowd of people you don’t know, cheering you on when you are giving it your all. These are awesome people. People which help or at least try to help you to become the strongest version of yourself whether it be in the realms of mind, body, or spirit.

“SURROUND ME, AWESOME THINGS!”

I witnessed many awesome people yesterday, and I myself participated in being an awesome person. I decided to watch a powerlifting meet as I myself shall be competing in one in a couple weeks. Lifters of all shapes and sizes were there. All ages. All ethnicities. All genders, all two of them. Each lifter, there to test their strength after spending weeks, months, years and even decades, of disciplined training, nutrition and recovery. Each lifter, doing what they love to do. And each lifter, having a supportive cheer squad to back them up during a long grinding lift and to applaud the effort whether it was a good lift or not.

This is the type of environment that I was talking about. The type of environment in which to surround yourself in. It did not matter if you were a male or female lifting 40kgs or 260kgs. There was a 45 year old woman who pulled 170kg off the ground and a 16 year old boy with 100kgs on his back. But none of that mattered. Each and every lift the crowd and fellow competitors were behind you, egging you on. Yelling and screaming for you to push, pull and drive with all your might when your legs are shaking and your face resembles a tomato. It did not matter if you were male or female, Russian or Asian, young or old. Each competitor there was there to give their best and everyone was there to see them get their best. There was no bad sportsmanship, no cheering for a missed lift, but rather applause for the effort of the lift. When a lifter was hitting that 10 second grinder rep where your mind comes to the crossroads of whether to stop or commit to the lift, people would be out of their chairs yelling “UP UP UP”, “GO GO GO” and they would take you to the end. And the cheering and applause when that lifter finishes the lift, just amazing. Even more amazing was the boyfriend who was literally jumping out of his shoes, clenching his fist and punching it to the sky when his girlfriend pressed a new personal record over her head.

I was waiting for this to happen.

I imagine it to be a similar feeling that hardcore sports fans have when they are cheering for their favourite team. The only difference here is you are cheering for everyone, as everyone wants to see you get that weight up. They want to help and see you hit that new personal record. They want to help and see you doing your best and being your strongest.

The whole meet is a big support base. From the spotters preventing you from being crushed when you fail to lift a weight, to the referees telling you where you went wrong in your lift. From the coaches helping you mentally prepare, to the other lifters giving you advice to help you on your next lift. The whole meet is one place where many awesome people congregate and help you kick ass. The powerlifiting community is one of the most supportive communities I’ve ever seen. No one is there to bring you down, only raise you up. I’m excited to become a part of it when I complete my first ever meet. I know I’ll have my training partner, my gym friends, and the crowd behind me, cheering me on and yelling at me to keep going when the lift gets tough. And I’ll be there to do the same.

At the end of the day, we all want to be the strongest and best versions of ourselves. I feel the best way to do that is by associating yourself with awesome people and getting amongst it, and not sitting on the sideline. I myself have been sitting on the sideline for too long. The time for thinking and wishing has past. The time for doing, that’s the time right now. I feel  this experience is going to be a step in the right direction. I cannot wait.

– Sash

Surround Yourself with Awesome!

Have you ever noticed the way you act and feel when you are around certain people? You find that you take on the characteristics of a chameleon. You act differently, and associate differently depending on the particular person, or group of persons that you are currently with. You may change the way you act, walk, talk or communicate. You may change your mannerisms, your body language or tone of voice. Your language may change. The subject matter of your discussions may change. All these things may change in order for you to adapt or “fit into” this social environment. And there is nothing wrong or abnormal about it. What one person may find interesting might not be so interesting to another person, and so here we have these “groups” of people that we associate with.

I myself have my school friends, my training friends, my work friends, my close friends, my family. I would even so far as to create another category labelled “awesome friends”. All these different groups of people who I associate with, and in not one of them do I act the exact same. Each group has a certain element of “me” in it that I am able to associate with, and therefore be a part of. But at the same time, each group affects me in different ways. One group may nurture my passion for weight training, and give me the motivation and drive to push harder. Another may be great at discussing life and expanding my knowledge and capacity for thought. Another may be great at just being that friendly listening ear that I need to vent to, and to tell me that everything is going to be fine. Over time, just from the exposure to these different groups, you yourself begin to change. You start becoming more like that group. You start acting “like” the group and soon enough you start acting “as” the group. Ultimately, you become the group.

“You’re one of us now!”

Through experience and over time I have come to realise that the company that you keep is so important. It affects you in so many ways. Your company can raise you to new heights you never thought possible. It can motivate you. It can drive you to be better. Your company can spark new passions. It can act as a support base. It can help you become the strongest and best “you” you can be.

Unfortunately it works both ways and unfortunately the company that you keep is not always for the better. Friendships that you once had, or still have, begin changing your moods, motivations and actions.  It is difficult to notice or accept it sometimes because this negative influence is shunned or put to the side in the name of “friendship.” Perhaps you refuse to admit that a group or a friendship is in fact harming you. You refuse to act because you feel there is this sense of “loyalty” to the group and you don’t want to rock the boat or jeopardise the relationship that has been built.

Whatever the reason may be, I feel it is important to be able to recognise when certain people or groups start affecting your life in a less than desirable way. That way you will be able to take some kind of action to either improve the situation, or if need be, remove yourself from the situation.

I myself have come to realise that some people are not the company I once thought. After being with some of these friends I become aware of the way I feel, and most of the time I walk away moody, upset, or less happy than what I was when I went in. I feel I know less than I should about them. At times I feel they are just acquaintances, instead of friends. I don’t feel comfortable opening up to them anymore. I feel like they don’t actually care about the things that interest me, nor are they supportive of the things that I am passionate about. Conversations are just small talk, turned gossipy and judgemental. I feel myself becoming more gossipy and judgemental around them, when I am the complete opposite. I feel I care more about the friendship than they do. Organising an event together has become a chore. People won’t reciprocate the effort to even travel to meet others anymore. Time isn’t made for the friendship anymore. The friendship has become matter of convenience. A recent example, myself and two friends organised to meet up. One friend had to think whether they could be bothered to drive for twenty minutes or not (they were not bothered, and didn’t show up), and the other just failed to show up. Unfortunately I had to wait around for close to a hour to realise this. On the bright side, it only cost me an hour of my life to learn some of the characteristics my friends.

“Sorry, I’m SOOOOOO busy doing nothing at home!”

There is a saying that you are the “average” of the people that you most associate yourself with. So for example if I was to associate myself with all positive people, I myself will eventually become a more positive person, just from the sheer exposure to these people. I would develop more positive habits and attributes. Stronger relationships would be formed from a supportive friendship foundation. Something about them rubs off on you. You eventually change, but for the better. On the other hand, if I associate myself with many negative people, guess what is going to happen to me? I will likely become a more negative person. So it would make sense, if I wanted to be awesome, to surround and associate myself with mostly awesome people. That way I’ll be in a positive, supportive and encouraging environment that will allow me to flourish. Also, it would make sense to not associate myself with negative people, that would mostly like bring me down, make me feel bad, hinder my progress to where I want to go, and prevent me from being the best person I can be.

Hey, that does make sense. I think I’ll do that.

“What’s up, awesome friend?”

– Sash

When a Simple Dinner changes your Life!

You know when you think you know everyone? I don’t mean you know every single person in the world, but you think you know all the types of people in the world. You put people into categories as they share this trait, or that characteristic. It allows you to make quick judgements based on a few observations whether it be from their walk, their mannerisms, their beliefs and so on. But every once in a while there those who you meet that surprise you. They make you question your knowledge of others. They make you add a new category into your category system. Sometimes for the worse, but sometimes for the better.

From my trip last week I was lucky enough to have experienced the company of two lovely people, who I have had to create a new category for. Currently this category is unnamed and it shall remain that way as I feel it would be an injustice to how amazing they are. If you must, find your thesaurus and look up the word “amazing.” I feel this is an accurate word to describe these two.

Now, I am not one for fancy, expensive, gourmet dinners produced by the most renowned chefs who are so fancy in the pantsy they name their restaurants after their first name. Give me a jar of peanut butter and a spoon and I’m good to go. Hell, forget the spoon, I have hands. But during my trip to Melbourne, I was lucky enough to be involved in a dinner that I will not soon forget.

Cutlery? You mean hands?

These two people only know me via friend association, that is, they were friends of friends. However, I was treated as if I was a very close friend, even a best friend. At least that is I how I felt. My friends and I were there for dinner and we were treated to refreshing water, and delicious corn chips (including gluten free chips) with salsa as a starter. Pizza would be headlining tonight, and I’m not talking about your store bought, frozen, cheap imitation of what a pizza should be. This was to be a real pizza. Made from scratch. Even the dough bases (some regular and some gluten and starch free) were built from the ground up. Never did I realise how many extra ingredients were needed to construct a gluten free dough. But this humble abode catered for both. While the man of the house battled the dough, fist to dough face style, the lady of the house was making the dessert; ice-cream. Armed with cream, sugar and a whisk (among other things) this lady was creating this cream of ice from scratch as well. In the midst of all this, my friends and I were welcomed and humbly encouraged  to taste some house apple cider, made from the apples from the tree in the backyard. Never before had I experienced so many homemade food items.

Next, we had the difficult task of choosing, from a buffet of ingredients, the toppings which to grace our own dough slabs with. All your typical toppings where there for the taking including mushrooms, onions, mozzarella cheese (and gluten free cheese), ham, and gourmet salami. There were even some choices I had never thought of decorating a pizza with such as pumpkin, spinach and anchovies.

While decoration time is happening the room is filled with storytelling, laughter and conversations. I’m talking real conversations and not your extended and polite head nodding of acknowledgement small talk. Real conversations. It was such a refreshing breath of fresh air. I know it might seem strange to think so highly of this, but I have to say I appreciated it so much. Such a contrast it is to the kinds of “conversations” I have at home.

In between stories, the man of the house is darting back and forth between the outside barbecue and the indoor oven. Never have I seen someone care so much for the status of my food. Each pizza was to be cooked just right, and that’s exactly how they were done, and they were absolutely delicious. I was even offered a couple of beers courtesy of the house to drink with the man. I felt more than welcome. I am lost for words with how good it felt to have been accepted into such a lovely home the way that I was. Already in food heaven, bowls of ice-cream graced the table, and our lips. Never before had I tried a “Blue Magic” topping before, but combined with this homemade ice-cream all I can say is Peters or Bulla or Ben and Jerry’s had better watch their backs.

Don’t you just want to roll around in it? Trick question! Of course you do!

After dinner I was offered the sofa bed for peaceful night slumber. I was even given the opportunity to switch off the resident fish’s water filter for the night so that it would not disturb me. I’m sure that fish was not overly fond with sharing the living area with me. Upon awakening the next morning, a note alerted us that we were welcome to anything in the house for breakfast, including a freshly cut pineapple, grape, apple and watermelon fruit salad prepared by the lady herself. In addition, as I returned from my morning run, in unfortunately freezing typhonic weather, I was offered to use the house’s hot water shower and towels. To witness and be a apart of such hospitality, generosity and company I feel truly lucky and blessed. I have never meet the kind of people that I did  on that Melbourne trip and before then never thought these kinds of people existed.

On my trip I met many people, and learned many things, about others and about myself, especially from these two individuals. The experience made me realise that in the grand scheme of things, I know very little about people. It made me realise that some people are inherently good and are willing to help even when it might be inconvenient for them. It made me realise that generosity is out there, and that I myself wish to be more generous in the future, whether it be in giving my resources, knowledge or time to others. It made me realise that I wish to aspire to be as good an individual as these two people. They make me want to be more like them and aspire to treat others the same way.

If they happen to read this I would like to take the opportunity to thank them again. Thank you for taking me into your home and treating me the way you did. It was not unappreciated. Thank you for the great memories, experiences and stories which you have shared with me. My life is now richer from it. I can honestly say if there were more people in the world like you two, the world would be a better place.

I hope this story finds you well. Keep being amazing.

– Sash

Let’s Go on A Trip (the good kind)!

So half way through this year I will be travelling to Spain to partake in the pilgrimage that is the El Camino De Santiago. This trip will officially be my first trip away from my home country. It shall be my first time off this hot little (it’s not really that little, that’s what she said) Australian rock and into the world unknown. A chance to experience new things, meet new people, and acquire a new set of eyes that will change the way I see myself and the world. Shakespeare would have trouble describing my excitement.

“Doth ones excitement appear to be inspiring the ascension of the front of thou’s trouserpants?”

I didn’t really make a resolution this year as I do not strongly believe in them, but I do believe in changes of attitude. This year’s attitude will be characterised by adventuring into unknown and being open to new experiences. This is a complete contrast to my regular attitude of being content where I am and being content on what I know. Adventuring into the unknown is more than just physically taking myself to places I never been. For me it is about leaving my mental and emotional comfort zone. What lies beyond my comfort zone is unknown and I believe that it is that unknown territory to be where real life and adventure lies. I won’t experience what life has to offer sitting in a four walled room, staring at a screen all day, and neither will you. Life and experience is out there and I’m missing out on it, but not tomorrow!

Here is a highly structured and accurate manuscript of the in depth back and forth debate my friend and myself had two days ago:

“Let’s go on a trip!”

“Ok!”

Sometimes it can be as easy as that. Tomorrow I’m doing just that. A whole days worth of driving for two days in a foreign city. Who knows what kind of mischief, trouble and adventure I will get into? Who knows the kinds of people I will meet, or the experiences that I will experience? Who knows what kind of attitude or ideas I’ll leave the city with? Who knows the great or terrible stories I will have to tell at the dinner table? Definitely not me, and I’m excited about that.

“And then I rode a dragon to the moon, and because my dragon was hungry for some cheese it took a bite out of the moon. True story!”

I can visualise people saying they just don’t have the time, and this could very well be true if you are thinking of a big trip that you are unable to commit to right now. But a trip doesn’t have to be this big, long, glamorous journey that can only be experienced by first hopping into the stomach walls of an iron bird. It can be a half a day drive somewhere you haven’t been. It can be a couple hours. It can be couple minutes. There is no set time, nor is the length of time that important. What is more important is the action of getting out of the house, having a big, medium or small break and just going somewhere else. Physically taking your body out of a place of routine and familiarity, and putting it somewhere else for a little while. Exposing it to the elements for that brief moment. If there is someone who you would like to roll in the experience with, grab them. And even if there is no one to hit it up with you, talk to yourself out loud and repeat the following or something similar:

“Let’s go on a trip, to our back yard.”

“Let’s go on a trip, to that park down the road that we have never been to.”

“Let’s go on a trip, via shanks’ pony (Scottish colloquial meaning transport via ones legs/feet) around ye olde block or yonder.”

“That’s the shanks’ pony spirit guys!”

Any of those three trips would suffice. Just getting out and going somewhere you haven’t been, or haven’t been to in a while. Great old memories might resurface and new ones may be born. You may see something you had not seen before. You may think of things you have never thought before. The world might provide you with an idea, or inspiration that you have never had before. Look out your window, and go there. Walk to the park. Walk in the street. Walk in your backyard. Look around at the world around you. Notice things. Close your eyes and listen to the sounds around you. Smell the fragrances and odours around you. Touch things. Take pictures of things. Record things, ideas, thoughts, observations. If you’re at work, at a desk right now (firstly, I am honoured that are choosing to read this during work hours) perhaps stand up and walk up and down the case of stairs once. Maybe ride the elevator to the top level, and down to the bottom level. Have that little trip. Who knows what happens?

Remember, a trip can be anywhere, even as far a distance as your backyard or veranda. Treat your trip as a holiday and do what most do on their holidays; absolutely nothing. People often take trips to get away from the normal responsibilities they have in life, if even for that brief moment. They take trips to relax. Treat your small trips the same way, and do nothing for a little while. Take the time to breathe, and slow down and see a new world through new eyes.

Catch you all later with my new eyes.

Now go treat yourself to a trip.

– Sash

Immortality Butter or Mortality Butter?

I am given one out of two options. Two jars of magical peanut butter are in front of me. The label of one jar reads “Immortality” and the other “Mortality”. Easy choice, right? Immortality butter would allow me to live forever. Not one hundred years. Not one thousand years. Not one million years. Forever. I’m talking till the end of time forever. I would be able to see how we, as humans, evolve. How our bodies evolve. How our minds evolve.  How our technology evolves. How our planet evolves. How everything evolves. I would be able to experience everything that this conscious reality that we call life has to offer. How amazing does that sound? Incredible, right? I would be a fool not to consume the immortality butter. Why do I even have to think about this?

I pick up the jar of immortality butter and throw it in my basketball hoop bin.

Welcome to your new home immortality butter!

Devil on my shoulder: “WHAT THE FFFFFFFF……?”

I open the jar of mortality butter, my hand imitating a giant ice cream scoop and take a whopping handful. And by whopping handful  I mean I measure out a tablespoons worth because this stuff is calorie dense and I have to watch my figure.

I would choose mortality butter because I do not wish to live forever. Not because it might be the right thing to do morally or whatever, but because I just don’t wish to spend my entire life (which would be forever) just existing. If I was immortal I don’t feel I would be living. I would just be existing in time and space. Everything would be less beautiful because I wouldn’t have to fear that this moment might be my last. That is what makes life beautiful. It’s because I am so fragile, that makes life so precious to me. I appreciate my life more when I know it can end in the blink of an eye. So for the time that I have left I will try to live while I can, the best that I can.  If I lived forever, if I was immortal, my life would be less precious. Less special. I wouldn’t appreciate the beauty in it because I would be sure that I would experience a similar moment in the span of my immortality. I wouldn’t appreciate the little things that might seem trivial.

Like today, driving home in my furnace of a car, dripping so much sweat I was having a bit of difficulty turning my wheel without my hands slipping. I wind my window down, and lean over to wind down the passenger side window which would allow the most glorious draft of wind to flow through. Beautiful air slapping my face, weaving between the follicles of my hair while being accompanied by some catchy tunes that I will never admit to liking and singing out loud.

MORTALITY RULES!

Now I’m sure if I was immortal I would still feel all those great sensory stimulating things, but I wouldn’t appreciate it as much. Because the mortal me knows that I could be hit by a car and killed on my way home. The mortal me knows that I could be jumped and stabbed on one of my night runs. The mortal me knows that I could trip over badly and hit my head on a rock. The mortal me knows these things. The mortal me knows these risks. But it is these risks, no matter how big or small that make life that much more exciting. Even just typing this blog right now is so great, because this might very well be the last thing that I type because I may have a stroke in my sleep.

And what about the moments you share with people. Are these moments not precious knowing that they might be the last time you ever experience them? That might be the last time I have a drink and tell stories with my friends. That might be the last time I play a game with them and have a laugh. That might be the last time I hear that terrible joke, but like the joke anyway because it was so terrible. That might be the last time I help a friend move stuff to a new place. Or the last time I wish someone a good night. Or the last time I kiss or spoon someone. Or the last time I lift weights and eat peanut butter (perish the thought).

On top of life being less precious to me, I feel I would be very alone if I were immortal. Knowing that you will never die. Knowing that you are going to experience emotional pain forever. Knowing that you are going to live through the life and deaths of your friends, your family, your children, your children’s children, forever. I don’t think I could bare the constant pain of loss like that, knowing that I will outlive everyone I meet and have an emotional connection to.

So for me, mortality butter all the way baby.

I’d like to hear others thoughts on this topic. What jar would you pick, and why?

– Sash

Don’t stop me NOW!

People can hold you back, but they can also raise you to new heights you never thought possible. People can hold you back, but that is only if you let them do so. Often I hear people say how much they want to do something. They speak of this something with such passion. They are so happy and excited to just talk about it. Their face lights up, their words become energised and laced with joy.

Passion-talk faces!

“So why don’t you go and try that?”

Stunned silence. The only thing you hear is distilled chirping of a cricket riding a tumbleweed in the wind.

“Oh, you know.” Insert a string of excuses here. And in an instant, they are no longer a happy as they were. Their faces dim down, their words become lethargic, laced with uncertainty, doubt, and if I’m not mistaken, regret as well. It seems as like something  or someone has influenced them and this has prevented them from pursuing something that brings the life out of them and that makes them unhappy.

I remember quite vividly a time when I expressed an idea to someone very close to me, and whose opinion I held quite high. I was very passionate about this idea and had been thinking on it for quite some time. Unfortunately my idea was negatively met with doubt and disbelief as they did not see how I was going to do it or sustain doing it. And sure enough I didn’t end up pursuing it. One year passes and I just bit the bullet and pursued my idea. I have to admit I was very angry when I did, but not with the person who didn’t initially support my idea, but with myself. I was angry with myself for letting someone else negatively influence something that I really wanted to do. I let someone else’s doubt allow me to doubt myself. If it had been a random person I may have not been persuaded so easily, but it is a little harder to hear it from a person who you regard as important influential spectator of your life. More often than not it’s the small things that these important people do or don’t do that can hit your heart the most.

But the way I see it now, being doubtful or responding negatively to an idea is just another way of telling me that you don’t think I can do it. This blog was actually started somewhat in spite of one of my friends glibly reminding me about how a previous project of mine never came to fruition. I can’t be angry with that friend, because that was the push that I needed to get this thing started. Now I know that might seem somewhat hypocritical of me in the sense that I do care about what someone has said, and therefore it has affected me in some way. However, instead of stopping me from pursuing an idea, it has driven me all the more to achieve it.

At the end of the day it is my decision and I have decided to care less about what other people think. This isn’t to say that I don’t care at all, because constructive criticism and feedback is a good thing. If you don’t care at all, you cut yourself off from everyone else’s opinions and I do not feel this is a step forward in the right direction. Other people can offer you perspectives outside of your own that you could miss just because you are so far into it it’s harder for you to take a step back. However history repeats itself, and I wind up in the same moment again and I receive the same negative response, then I am not going to hesitate to ignore them and prove them wrong. No matter who they are. It doesn’t matter if they are important people, my parents, my siblings, my friends. They are free to have their opinions, but I won’t let negative comments sway me from doing what I want to do with my life. It’s my life and I’m allowed to be selfish in this way. I’m sure they might mean well, and they might be thinking they are protecting you from future failure, but that is because they might not see your vision. They might be from another generation and their line of thinking might be so ancient in comparison, so they wouldn’t understand and as a result they project their own doubts onto you.  And if the person doesn’t mean well, they can go suck on a lemon. If they are flat out stating you can’t do something it probably means that they themselves have been held back in their own live and in order for them to feel good about themselves, they want to bring you down to their level. These are the people I will choose to ignore and disregard. In my opinion, I think it is worse to not try something than to try something and fail at it. At least if you fail you come back stronger and smarter from the experience.

You cannot please everyone in the world, and nor should you have to. If you have that idea that you are passionate about. If it makes you happy. If you cannot stop thinking about it, talking about it, fantasising about it and dreaming about it. Go through with it, and regret nothing. It will never happen if you don’t physically start making it happen. Even if it doesn’t work out the way you might have originally envisioned, as least you had the courage to make the decision yourself and not let someone else sway your passion.

Now, I love it when someone tells me that I cannot do something. Such a pleasure it is to prove them wrong. It’s like the moment someone says “Ha! I bet you can’t do that”, you call upon a Rocky-esque montage and your motivation to prove them wrong goes into overdrive. I thrive on that kind of challenge. That’s what makes me do my best.

So come on! Tell me I can’t do something. I dare you! *Waits to cue the montage music*

“I double dare you!”

– Sash

Eat this, no this, no this!

Diets!

I hate diets. Yeah, I said it!

The Atkins Diet, the Zone Diet, If It Fits Your Macros diet, low carbohydrate diet, low fat diet, high protein diet, Paleo Diet and the ever rampant See-food Diet. How the on Earth are you supposed choose, right? Which one is the best for me to achieve my goals? I would say the “best” one if the one that you feel comfortable staying on and sticking to. But that is the exact reason why I hate diets. Diet implies it is only temporary, and if it is only temporary then so will be the results you gained on that diet. You can go on and off a diet. It seems like a bandaid approach in order to quick fix a problem. It seems like a cure, when ultimately we should be striving for prevention.

He sees food, and eats it. He also apologises for nothing!

Diets, in one way or another restrict a certain thing. In a low fat diet, fat is restricted. In a low carbohydrate diet, carbohydrates are restricted. The problem here is that the body is built to work optimally by using all three of these macronutrients (proteins, carbohydrates, and fats) together. When you take one away, the body begins to cease functioning the way it should. For example with low carbohydrate you will start to feel tired, lethargic and you will have trouble concentrating. Why? Because the body’s primary energy source comes from carbohydrates. The brain itself is fuelled by glucose, a sugar that has been broken down from carbohydrates. Let’s take fat as another example because low fat diets are a very popular topic. There is even a whole market dedicated to selling “low fat” foods. Amongst other things, fat carries certain vitamins that can only be absorbed by the body via fat. Fat also affects your hormone levels. I have been through a low fat diet stage and I can tell you when your hormones are out of whack, and your libido is affected in a negative way, it isn’t the most pleasant way to go through the day (although some guys would benefit from a reduced libido). So as a rule of thumb, if a diet restricts one of these macronutrients to a very low level, approach with caution.

MOVING ON!

Another reason why I hate diets is because people are expected to fit the mould of the diet. Therefore some people are going to struggle more than others to stay on the diet. And remember a diet is only as effective as the length of time you commit to it. You may see progress at the start, but you will find when you “go off” the diet, you end up going back to square one, and sometimes end up in a worse place than you started. Everyone is different and have different tastes. Some foods that a diet requires you to eat might not sit well in your belly. I for one cannot devour too many navy beans or lentils. This is because my body has a difficult time digesting them. Therefore going on a high bean/lentil diet (I’m sure there is one of those out there too) would not make much sense for me. That is not a “diet” I could stick to.

A peanut butter diet however…..

So what the hell do I do now? If all diets are ultimately ineffective then where do I go now? How about creating your own? And how about not labelling it a diet? How about calling it your eating habit? A habit is a hard thing to break once you have established some ground rules. That’s all diets are. Diets are just plans, with rules that you stick to. So why not create your own rules? Why not structure it in a way that you find easy to do, and that can accomplish your goals at the same time? When you are eating the foods you like, abiding by your own rules and structure you won’t even be on a diet. You will just be living your own food lifestyle.

So create some rules for yourself that you can abide to today, and everyday here on after. It’s all well and good to lose the weight, but then keeping it off is the next thing. For me some basic rules that I follow everyday are: Drink two to three litres of water a day, minimum. Eat some kind of vegetable in three of my five meals a day. Eat like a king during the day and a peasant at night. In otherwords eat most of my food during the day, and reduce it the closer to bed time it is. Eat protein in every meal. Allow myself a “bad meal” once a week, or a one small treat each day.

Those are my personal basic rules that I follow every day. Those are my absolute minimums. I don’t feel like I’m on a diet, because I’m not on one. I don’t just go on and off these eating habits. I will adjust some things if my goals change, but the basic structure remains the same.  If I want to gain weight, I will eat  a little more at each meal. If I want to lose weight, I will eat a little less at each meal. It’s not rocket surgery and I think these diets over complicate things, even when they are attempting to do the opposite. I won’t neglect the foods I like to eat. I really like peanut butter (if you had not noticed), so I will eat it, whether I’m gaining weight or losing weight. I drink alcohol at celebrations. I will eat dessert. I will not deny myself these luxuries of life and I won’t feel guilty eating them. If my goal is to lose weight I will just reduce the portion sizes or when I choose to eat them. But I won’t deny myself what I like completely. The food will fit my mold, not the other way round.

I think people like being told what to do, especially when it comes to this whole diet craze. If someone tells you about this diet, and you do it, and you fail, you can easily shift your blame to the other person. “It wasn’t my fault, the diet didn’t work.” It is so easy to blame someone else. We often don’t take accountability for our own actions. It’s not the diet’s fault that it didn’t work because you didn’t stick to it. You controlled what you threw into your mouth, not the person writing the diet. Take some responsibility for your actions and take some responsibility for what you throw into your mouth. We are all adults and if we can’t even control what we throw into our mouths we have a dire future ahead.

“THE CLAW MADE ME EAT IT. I SWEAR IT!”

So create your own eating lifestyle, filled with the foods that you like to eat. Give yourself some structure, and make your own rules. Adjust accordingly depending on your goals. And the most important thing is to be consistent. Don’t chop and change everything at once. Change one thing at a time and see how it affects you. If it works, keep it. If it doesn’t, get rid of it.  See what works for you and find what helps you remain consistent because remember we want to keep those delicious results.

– Sash

P.S. If anyone has any further questions, needs me to elaborate, or anything else regarding the information here, please feel free to ask.

But I had much to do. SO MUCH!

Ever get the feeling there is not enough hours in the day? You go to bed, and you cannot sleep because you are anxious about all the things that you didn’t get done even though you were on full throttle? Seeing those disgusting unticked boxes on your list that’s mocking you on your bedside table. Feeling like you have been defeated by your own expectations of yourself. It’s like at the end of the day and some random dude floats into your room the second you are about to fall asleep, and slaps you in the face with a certificate. A certificate of “participation”. Remember those back in the day? How degrading was that? I remember looking to the kid beside me in primary school. Big cheesey grin on their face as they brandish their “credit” around.  Only to be out done by that smug kid who keeps asking whether his “distinction” is any good. Little punk. Stupid random floating “participation” certificate distributor man.

“We don’t have the testicular fortitude to tell you that you failed, so have this instead!”

But seriously, do you ever wonder whether you will get it all done? All the work you have for the day, or the week, or the year? What about all the things you want to accomplish in five years? How about ten? How about by the end of your life whenever that may be? I know worrying too far into the future takes away from the present, which is the most important part, but that is still no reason not to have some sort of life structure. Some sort of life plan. If you fail to plan, you plan to fail……or plan to get a “participation” certificate.

It all started with a bucket list challenge. Write down fifty things that you want to accomplish before you go to that big gym in the sky. I could only conjure up twenty four things. But even looking at those twenty four things, I started to question whether or not I would even be able to accomplish all things? I want to be this, and that, and this, and that, and do this and that. All these things, plans, ideas. I want to accomplish these things. I want to experience all these things, and there are so many things. Where do I even start? How do I even start? Is it too late to do some of these things? This is probably a great spot for me to stop typing and refer back to my over-thinking “Paralysis by Analysis” post, but I’m going to keep going and hopefully an idea formulates.

I suppose I would start by looking at the list and ordering them in terms of importance to me. Those are the ones that I will target first. I guess next I’d give myself goals. As much as I hate the “g” word (just from saying way too much, the word doesn’t even look right to me anymore) I know that is what I have to set. If you don’t have direction, if you don’t have a target to funnel your energy then it will go nowhere. An idea without vision is just a dream. Let’s use the ever popular example of buying a house, or an apartment. The way you would approach it is to see how much it costs. See how much a deposit is, and calculate how much money you need. Then look at what you earn, and see how long you estimate it would take to save that money if you put some away each week. Now you have an idea and a direction and a time frame.

Another way to look at it might be to work backwards. Let’s say I want to be an engineer. Ok, how do you become an engineer? Well you go an study engineering. Ok, where? At this university. Ok, how do you get into that university? You do this, this and this etc. So all of a sudden you have created this visual route, or idea of how you are going to get to where you want. And then you would do this for all the things on your list. Constructing visual routes or timelines for all your life goals. You may choose to hit the little ones first and then tackle the big ones. You may find that some overlap. You may find that you accomplish one without even realising it. You may find you accomplish some faster than you anticipated.

The secret I suppose is just to get started. Get things in motion because the hardest part is to get things moving. Think about pushing a massive rock. At first that massive goal rock is not going to move. You keep pushing, keep applying pressure to it. Next thing you know you start seeing movement, it’s slow but it’s noticeable. Now it’s starting to make some considerable progress. Now it’s moving and you are hardly pushing it. Next thing you know you have lost your giant rock because it has gained so much momentum and now it has smashed some poor guys car that was one day away from being paid off.

“Pfft, I can push that. Hold my beer!”

I invite you to write a list of those things that you desire from this life, and have a think about what you have to do to achieve them. Even Don’t be scared and don’t rush it. Grab a cup a coffee, your ye olde quill and note pad and make sweet love to the page. Even do a timeline of when you expect to accomplish it. It will make it that more real and believable and that much more achievable to you. I’ve got a lot of timelines to do; twenty four to be precise and there is no way  in hell that I’m going to get a “participation” in this lifetime again.

– Sash

To feel alive!

Nothing makes me feel more alive than running. When I am running, I am free. I am worry free. I am care free. Nothing else matters at that precise moment because I am so in the moment that there is no room for anything else. I’m sure many have experienced this feeling, maybe not with running but with something else. You know that feeling when something you are passionate about has your full focus, your full attention? You are so enticed by it you forget what time it is. You are so entranced by it that you forget to eat. You are so in the moment that you forget to sleep. You might even forget what day it is. Loud sounds become dull hums. Your vision becomes clearer than normal. You see things that you have never seen before. You notice things that you have never noticed before. All of a sudden those little things that plague your mind day to day become non-existent. You are in the moment. You are alive, in that delicious moment.

“I LOVE THIS DELICIOUS MOMENT!”

Running allows me to access this state of mind, especially when I am running hard. If you are familiar with running or any physical activity you will know that more often than not, your mind determines the outcome of your success or failure. Your mind will always give up before your body does. It is your job to train your mind to push the body where it has never gone before. And it is your attitude that will drive your mind to push the body. If you start a training session all sulky, thinking about how long this chore is going to take, then you are more than likely going to have a terrible session. You have walked in with a negative mind set, and have set yourself up for failure because you are more likely to quit when it starts getting hard. However, if you walk into your session excited to hit a new personal best, you are more likely going to have a great session because  when it starts getting hard, you will push yourself out of your comfort zone. And what lies beyond your comfort zone? LIFE!

Now this can apply to anything that you do. Think about your job. If it’s Monday and you have Friday on your mind, there is a good chance that you are going to have a less than stellar week. You are going to come to work, be negative,  and do a worse job than you otherwise would. Then you will  sulk at the end of the day because you have four more days of sulking before you can self medicate yourself with something that will help you forget your previous week of sulking, so you can proceed to the next week (which you hope won’t consist of more sulking). Rinse repeat. However, let’s say you walk into work with a mindset that you are going to smash through today’s workload in record time, so you can enjoy the coming weekend knowing that you earned that sweet, sweet time off. Chances are you might feel a little better about the week, and more importantly, with yourself.

Running is the soil for which my positive attitude seed can sprout and flourish. When I can feel my heart beating out of my chest, when I feel my legs are on fire is when I know that alive state of mind is about to kick in (extra alive points for when it starts raining or storming).  I look for that pain and discomfort because I know what is to follow. If I give up because it starts getting hard, or because my legs hurt, or because I can’t breathe then I know I am not truly alive because I am not pushing myself. If I know I am not pushing myself then I am not being the strongest version of myself. I need to push myself because that is the attitude I need to feel alive. I need that attitude to carry over in all aspects of my life in order to be the strongest me. If I do not push myself right now, I will not push myself later in other life tasks. There is no better time than right now, when I’m in pain and thoughts of stopping kick in. In order to live you must move and keep moving.  But in order to be alive, you must move, and move in a forwards direction. If you are not moving, you are not alive, and if you are not alive then what are you?

So what makes you feel alive? You should do it right now!

“I’M ALIVE!”

– Sash