The Death of a Friend

Today I attended the funeral of a young lady that I knew in primary school. When I heard the news about her passing I couldn’t believe it. Here was a twenty five year old girl, coming into her stride in her career and relationship, and just like that, she is gone.  It reminds me of how fragile life is, and how lucky we all are to be alive right now. At any moment the roulette wheel could stop on your name, and in the blink of an eye you cease to physically exist. And it can be from anything. Perhaps you slip in the shower. Perhaps someone loses concentration in their car for one second. Perhaps you have a stroke. All these things in one way or another are out of your control, and we are left to the mercy of chance. The fact that I am alive right now and typing this is incredible, because I have “dodged” that chance wheel from stopping on my name for twenty five years. I hope I can continue to do so.

This has been the second funeral that I have attended in my lifetime, and even though I did not truly know her in her adult life, it was no less difficult to get through. Seeing the tears of family members, friends, partners all in one place can be overwhelming, but I found myself being able to hold it together. I don’t think it has truly sunk in yet because I still cannot believe it. It was not until the speeches when I could feel my heart beating out of my chest and tears forming in my eyes. You come to realise all the nonsense we worry about in life means absolutely nothing when something like this happens. You come to realise that the things you take for granted, even your friends and family, are the most important things in this world at the end of the day. That fight you had about nothing, that opportunity at work you missed, that car you don’t have, that inheritance you did not receive. All these things are so insignificantly small in comparison to the relationships you build with people. I’m beginning to see it more clearly. I just wish it didn’t take the death of someone to realise it.

During the service many things were going through my mind. When her father spoke I tried to think what he must be feeling. To have lost his flesh and blood that he and his wife so proudly brought into the world and nurtured with love and care. I can only imagine as I listen to his speech that he wrote. He even apologised that he might not be able to elaborate on the points, and that he might only be able to stick to the speech. You could see he was hurting bad. You could feel it. To me he was doing so well. I don’t think that I would have been able to keep it together like he did. I think I would just shut down as I internally curse the sky even when I know my child would have me do otherwise. I have the utmost respect for her father. You could see he was proud and I bet she would’ve been proud too.

When her partner spoke, she spoke how she had lost the person who gave her a reason for waking up in the morning, and falling asleep at night. How she lost her best friend, and sunshine. How she lost the love of her life. How she lost the person that brought her the most happiness she had ever experienced in her entire life. I tried to feel how she must have felt while she wept as she gave her speech. To have someone you love with all your heart, who you spend every day and night with. Someone who truly knows you, and loves you back. Who makes you a better person, and helps pick you up when you are going through a dark patch. Who is everything to you. To wake up the next day, to find that they are no longer in that bed with you when you roll over. That they are no longer on the end of that telephone number. That they are no longer there for you to joke with, cry with, laugh with or have fun with. How must that feel? I started to lose it at the end. Her partner placed a flower petal on the coffin and then walked half way across the room. She then stopped and looked back on the coffin, knowing that would be the last time she would be physically near one of the most important people in her life. That is when her partner really lost it, and I lost it too.

When her brother spoke, he spoke of many of the things her partner did however it hit me harder when he said it. When he spoke of his big sister, I could not help but think of my little sister. I think I was able to better feel what he must have been as he spoke. I thought what I would be feeling, if it was me up there, talking about my sister in front of all these people. What would I be saying, or failing to say because I would be in such agony? I didn’t entertain the thought for very long, as the thought of losing my sister was enough stress on my heart. All I can say is I would not be doing too well.

Finally I tried to visualise what it would be like if I was the one in that coffin? What effect would my death have on the people who I have come into contact with? It’s a grim thing to think of but I couldn’t help it. If I died tomorrow, how much of a ripple effect would it have on the worlds of the people I have known? Of course it would be terrible thing, but I cannot help but think what I will be remembered for. I would like to think that when I leave this place that I have had a positive impact on the worlds that I was a part of. I would like to think if I helped the people that I knew, or even didn’t know, in at least one way that my life would not have been a wasted life. I know I am often hard on myself, always feeling disappointed with myself because I am not achieving the best that I think that I should be. But I think that if my life helped or inspired someone in some way then it was not all for nothing. I also hope that when I die, my death helps people to realise things that they did not once realise. I hope that their lives become better with these realisations and that they are able to live their lives to the fullest for me. I hope they realise the beauty in their lives just like I have through my friends’ passing. I hope that they come to realise that although I am not physically alive, I am still alive within them, guiding their future actions in some way. I hope they realise that I do not wish for them to be sad. I hope when my time comes and people are sitting at my funeral that they remember something stupid that I have done or said that made them laugh and in turn make them laugh at that moment. That would mean a lot to me.

Thank you Vicky, for making me appreciate my life and to realise its beauty.

I hope you rest in peace.

Love Sash

Awesome people are awesome, so be awesome!

In my last post I talked about the importance of surrounding yourself with people who make you a better person, or “awesome people”. Awesome people can be found anywhere. They could taking out your trash. They could be packing your bags. They could be waiting your tables. Teaching your children. Cutting your hair. They can be absolute strangers who you have never met before. You may only know them for a day, or a few hours, or even a few seconds. It might be that random runner that you pass who sneaks in a quick “keep going” or head nod. It might be that person that tells you that everything is going to be alright when you are feeling down. Or, it might be a crowd of people you don’t know, cheering you on when you are giving it your all. These are awesome people. People which help or at least try to help you to become the strongest version of yourself whether it be in the realms of mind, body, or spirit.

“SURROUND ME, AWESOME THINGS!”

I witnessed many awesome people yesterday, and I myself participated in being an awesome person. I decided to watch a powerlifting meet as I myself shall be competing in one in a couple weeks. Lifters of all shapes and sizes were there. All ages. All ethnicities. All genders, all two of them. Each lifter, there to test their strength after spending weeks, months, years and even decades, of disciplined training, nutrition and recovery. Each lifter, doing what they love to do. And each lifter, having a supportive cheer squad to back them up during a long grinding lift and to applaud the effort whether it was a good lift or not.

This is the type of environment that I was talking about. The type of environment in which to surround yourself in. It did not matter if you were a male or female lifting 40kgs or 260kgs. There was a 45 year old woman who pulled 170kg off the ground and a 16 year old boy with 100kgs on his back. But none of that mattered. Each and every lift the crowd and fellow competitors were behind you, egging you on. Yelling and screaming for you to push, pull and drive with all your might when your legs are shaking and your face resembles a tomato. It did not matter if you were male or female, Russian or Asian, young or old. Each competitor there was there to give their best and everyone was there to see them get their best. There was no bad sportsmanship, no cheering for a missed lift, but rather applause for the effort of the lift. When a lifter was hitting that 10 second grinder rep where your mind comes to the crossroads of whether to stop or commit to the lift, people would be out of their chairs yelling “UP UP UP”, “GO GO GO” and they would take you to the end. And the cheering and applause when that lifter finishes the lift, just amazing. Even more amazing was the boyfriend who was literally jumping out of his shoes, clenching his fist and punching it to the sky when his girlfriend pressed a new personal record over her head.

I was waiting for this to happen.

I imagine it to be a similar feeling that hardcore sports fans have when they are cheering for their favourite team. The only difference here is you are cheering for everyone, as everyone wants to see you get that weight up. They want to help and see you hit that new personal record. They want to help and see you doing your best and being your strongest.

The whole meet is a big support base. From the spotters preventing you from being crushed when you fail to lift a weight, to the referees telling you where you went wrong in your lift. From the coaches helping you mentally prepare, to the other lifters giving you advice to help you on your next lift. The whole meet is one place where many awesome people congregate and help you kick ass. The powerlifiting community is one of the most supportive communities I’ve ever seen. No one is there to bring you down, only raise you up. I’m excited to become a part of it when I complete my first ever meet. I know I’ll have my training partner, my gym friends, and the crowd behind me, cheering me on and yelling at me to keep going when the lift gets tough. And I’ll be there to do the same.

At the end of the day, we all want to be the strongest and best versions of ourselves. I feel the best way to do that is by associating yourself with awesome people and getting amongst it, and not sitting on the sideline. I myself have been sitting on the sideline for too long. The time for thinking and wishing has past. The time for doing, that’s the time right now. I feel  this experience is going to be a step in the right direction. I cannot wait.

– Sash

How Depression Makes you Stronger

I wanted to touch on this topic, however I do not feel I can do it the justice that it deserves. So I give to you Elliott Hulse’s take on it. He talks about it poetically and holistically and is someone who I highly respect. He has helped me with a lot of issues in the past and I hope this video finds you well.

Please enjoy.

– Sash

Eat this, no this, no this!

Diets!

I hate diets. Yeah, I said it!

The Atkins Diet, the Zone Diet, If It Fits Your Macros diet, low carbohydrate diet, low fat diet, high protein diet, Paleo Diet and the ever rampant See-food Diet. How the on Earth are you supposed choose, right? Which one is the best for me to achieve my goals? I would say the “best” one if the one that you feel comfortable staying on and sticking to. But that is the exact reason why I hate diets. Diet implies it is only temporary, and if it is only temporary then so will be the results you gained on that diet. You can go on and off a diet. It seems like a bandaid approach in order to quick fix a problem. It seems like a cure, when ultimately we should be striving for prevention.

He sees food, and eats it. He also apologises for nothing!

Diets, in one way or another restrict a certain thing. In a low fat diet, fat is restricted. In a low carbohydrate diet, carbohydrates are restricted. The problem here is that the body is built to work optimally by using all three of these macronutrients (proteins, carbohydrates, and fats) together. When you take one away, the body begins to cease functioning the way it should. For example with low carbohydrate you will start to feel tired, lethargic and you will have trouble concentrating. Why? Because the body’s primary energy source comes from carbohydrates. The brain itself is fuelled by glucose, a sugar that has been broken down from carbohydrates. Let’s take fat as another example because low fat diets are a very popular topic. There is even a whole market dedicated to selling “low fat” foods. Amongst other things, fat carries certain vitamins that can only be absorbed by the body via fat. Fat also affects your hormone levels. I have been through a low fat diet stage and I can tell you when your hormones are out of whack, and your libido is affected in a negative way, it isn’t the most pleasant way to go through the day (although some guys would benefit from a reduced libido). So as a rule of thumb, if a diet restricts one of these macronutrients to a very low level, approach with caution.

MOVING ON!

Another reason why I hate diets is because people are expected to fit the mould of the diet. Therefore some people are going to struggle more than others to stay on the diet. And remember a diet is only as effective as the length of time you commit to it. You may see progress at the start, but you will find when you “go off” the diet, you end up going back to square one, and sometimes end up in a worse place than you started. Everyone is different and have different tastes. Some foods that a diet requires you to eat might not sit well in your belly. I for one cannot devour too many navy beans or lentils. This is because my body has a difficult time digesting them. Therefore going on a high bean/lentil diet (I’m sure there is one of those out there too) would not make much sense for me. That is not a “diet” I could stick to.

A peanut butter diet however…..

So what the hell do I do now? If all diets are ultimately ineffective then where do I go now? How about creating your own? And how about not labelling it a diet? How about calling it your eating habit? A habit is a hard thing to break once you have established some ground rules. That’s all diets are. Diets are just plans, with rules that you stick to. So why not create your own rules? Why not structure it in a way that you find easy to do, and that can accomplish your goals at the same time? When you are eating the foods you like, abiding by your own rules and structure you won’t even be on a diet. You will just be living your own food lifestyle.

So create some rules for yourself that you can abide to today, and everyday here on after. It’s all well and good to lose the weight, but then keeping it off is the next thing. For me some basic rules that I follow everyday are: Drink two to three litres of water a day, minimum. Eat some kind of vegetable in three of my five meals a day. Eat like a king during the day and a peasant at night. In otherwords eat most of my food during the day, and reduce it the closer to bed time it is. Eat protein in every meal. Allow myself a “bad meal” once a week, or a one small treat each day.

Those are my personal basic rules that I follow every day. Those are my absolute minimums. I don’t feel like I’m on a diet, because I’m not on one. I don’t just go on and off these eating habits. I will adjust some things if my goals change, but the basic structure remains the same.  If I want to gain weight, I will eat  a little more at each meal. If I want to lose weight, I will eat a little less at each meal. It’s not rocket surgery and I think these diets over complicate things, even when they are attempting to do the opposite. I won’t neglect the foods I like to eat. I really like peanut butter (if you had not noticed), so I will eat it, whether I’m gaining weight or losing weight. I drink alcohol at celebrations. I will eat dessert. I will not deny myself these luxuries of life and I won’t feel guilty eating them. If my goal is to lose weight I will just reduce the portion sizes or when I choose to eat them. But I won’t deny myself what I like completely. The food will fit my mold, not the other way round.

I think people like being told what to do, especially when it comes to this whole diet craze. If someone tells you about this diet, and you do it, and you fail, you can easily shift your blame to the other person. “It wasn’t my fault, the diet didn’t work.” It is so easy to blame someone else. We often don’t take accountability for our own actions. It’s not the diet’s fault that it didn’t work because you didn’t stick to it. You controlled what you threw into your mouth, not the person writing the diet. Take some responsibility for your actions and take some responsibility for what you throw into your mouth. We are all adults and if we can’t even control what we throw into our mouths we have a dire future ahead.

“THE CLAW MADE ME EAT IT. I SWEAR IT!”

So create your own eating lifestyle, filled with the foods that you like to eat. Give yourself some structure, and make your own rules. Adjust accordingly depending on your goals. And the most important thing is to be consistent. Don’t chop and change everything at once. Change one thing at a time and see how it affects you. If it works, keep it. If it doesn’t, get rid of it.  See what works for you and find what helps you remain consistent because remember we want to keep those delicious results.

– Sash

P.S. If anyone has any further questions, needs me to elaborate, or anything else regarding the information here, please feel free to ask.

To feel alive!

Nothing makes me feel more alive than running. When I am running, I am free. I am worry free. I am care free. Nothing else matters at that precise moment because I am so in the moment that there is no room for anything else. I’m sure many have experienced this feeling, maybe not with running but with something else. You know that feeling when something you are passionate about has your full focus, your full attention? You are so enticed by it you forget what time it is. You are so entranced by it that you forget to eat. You are so in the moment that you forget to sleep. You might even forget what day it is. Loud sounds become dull hums. Your vision becomes clearer than normal. You see things that you have never seen before. You notice things that you have never noticed before. All of a sudden those little things that plague your mind day to day become non-existent. You are in the moment. You are alive, in that delicious moment.

“I LOVE THIS DELICIOUS MOMENT!”

Running allows me to access this state of mind, especially when I am running hard. If you are familiar with running or any physical activity you will know that more often than not, your mind determines the outcome of your success or failure. Your mind will always give up before your body does. It is your job to train your mind to push the body where it has never gone before. And it is your attitude that will drive your mind to push the body. If you start a training session all sulky, thinking about how long this chore is going to take, then you are more than likely going to have a terrible session. You have walked in with a negative mind set, and have set yourself up for failure because you are more likely to quit when it starts getting hard. However, if you walk into your session excited to hit a new personal best, you are more likely going to have a great session because  when it starts getting hard, you will push yourself out of your comfort zone. And what lies beyond your comfort zone? LIFE!

Now this can apply to anything that you do. Think about your job. If it’s Monday and you have Friday on your mind, there is a good chance that you are going to have a less than stellar week. You are going to come to work, be negative,  and do a worse job than you otherwise would. Then you will  sulk at the end of the day because you have four more days of sulking before you can self medicate yourself with something that will help you forget your previous week of sulking, so you can proceed to the next week (which you hope won’t consist of more sulking). Rinse repeat. However, let’s say you walk into work with a mindset that you are going to smash through today’s workload in record time, so you can enjoy the coming weekend knowing that you earned that sweet, sweet time off. Chances are you might feel a little better about the week, and more importantly, with yourself.

Running is the soil for which my positive attitude seed can sprout and flourish. When I can feel my heart beating out of my chest, when I feel my legs are on fire is when I know that alive state of mind is about to kick in (extra alive points for when it starts raining or storming).  I look for that pain and discomfort because I know what is to follow. If I give up because it starts getting hard, or because my legs hurt, or because I can’t breathe then I know I am not truly alive because I am not pushing myself. If I know I am not pushing myself then I am not being the strongest version of myself. I need to push myself because that is the attitude I need to feel alive. I need that attitude to carry over in all aspects of my life in order to be the strongest me. If I do not push myself right now, I will not push myself later in other life tasks. There is no better time than right now, when I’m in pain and thoughts of stopping kick in. In order to live you must move and keep moving.  But in order to be alive, you must move, and move in a forwards direction. If you are not moving, you are not alive, and if you are not alive then what are you?

So what makes you feel alive? You should do it right now!

“I’M ALIVE!”

– Sash

Being grateful is great!

So I’m at work and the sound of bickering fills the air. Complaining about the most mundane things you can think of. Even my work colleague who has 30 minutes left of her shift is moaning about how tired she is and how much she wants to go home.  The moment she says this gaze is drawn to a man. A man who is struggling to walk, as it looks like he was born with a hip deformity. Equipped with a cane he waddles past at a speed that could rival a snail and I just have to stare and pity him. Soon after, a woman in a wheelchair rolls past (no pun intended) followed by regular customer. Another lady but this time with a major kyphosis of her thoracic spine (think a hunchback pushing a trolley). I then look at my colleague as she finishes staring as well, and her tone is changed to stun silence, accompanied by a face of guilt. It pained me to see these people live with such discomforts, but at the same time I am glad they were there to serve as a reminder to my colleague and myself that we have absolutely nothing to complain about. We have our health and that is the most important thing in the world. Without our health, we have nothing.

This has really hit home with me after my grandmother suffered a stroke. It left her unable to walk or talk and she will not be able to recover from it. Can you imagine, your entire life, being blessed by the ability to walk and talk and then having that just taken away from you? It’s disgusting, cruel and tragic. Not being able to communicate vocally. Relying on nothing but head nods. Being unable to express your love or appreciation. Unable express your emotions because you are unable to move the muscles of your face.

This is my EVERYTHING face!

Or not being able to walk. You can no longer go to the bathroom yourself.  You can no longer wash yourself. You can’t walk to the fridge to grab some food. You can’t even devour food yourself because your hands don’t work and your mouth struggles to move. You can no longer hug anyone. Can you imagine being unable to do all this stuff? It’s enough to make you cry.

How often do you hear people complaining of their physical pain? Can you imagine what those who are paralysed, or missing a limb would give to be able to feel that pain again? How happy they would be? There would be enough tears of joy to rid the world of thirst!

A common complaint from people is they don’t make enough money. I’m sure you have heard it before. In my eyes, a finically poorer person with their health is richer than the financially richer person with poorer health. I know a big stressor in people’s lives is their work, or their need to make more money, and that is all well and good. But I urge you to think about you are trading your health for.

Let’s look at it from a different perspective. When you’re hungry, what is the only thing you want? When you’re tired, what is the only thing you want? What about when you’re horny? What about when you’re sick? I’m sure when you’re making hourly donations from every entry and exit of your body to the porcelain express that you are not thinking “Gosh darnnit, I was I making some money right now.” You want nothing more than to just get better. That’s it.

WHERE IS ALL MY MONEY?!

Tonight I know I am grateful for:A friend of mine suggested something when I was feeling that I didn’t have enough and I invite you do the same. Grab a diary, specifically for this. This is now your Daily Gratitude Diary. Every night before bed to right down three things that you are grateful for.

1)      My ability to walk

2)      My ability to talk

3)      My ability to use my hands

Last night I was grateful for :

1)      My mother and sister

2)      Being able to drive

3)      Being strong enough to lift weights

Remember, being grateful is great and if you are grateful for something or someone, tell them.

So what are you grateful for?

– Sash